From Dr. Jane's Notebook

Addicted to Love

When two people have intertwined their lives and love, their attachment to one another binds them at many levels. The breakªup of a long-term romance is like breaking an addiction. Love can be like a potent drug, and withdrawal from this drug can be most painful.

Things to remember:

The period of "withdrawal" can be lengthy. Just as the beginning of a relationship takes time to develop, the ending takes time as well. This time is a necessary element for wounds to heal and new life patterns to begin.
A quick fix may be upsetting to both parties and usually prolongs the agony. Thus, calling each other during periods of loneliness or ambivalence often sets both parties back.
The transition from being a 'couple' to being 'single' is best accomplished through a plan of new activities and interests. Compile a list of things you've been wanting to do, but have neglected during the relationship. Keep this list close at hand and refer to it on a regular basis...especially when you find yourself "at loose ends".

To cope with the emotional aches and pains, I recommend the following exercise: Like a television set, people can tune into different "sensory" channels. By using our eyes, we can pay attention to things that can be seen (like television, a house that needs cleaning, or reading a book). By using our ears, we can pay attention to things that can be heard (like music, conversation, or the sounds of nature). By tuning into our emotions, we may experience and re-experience the emotional turmoil of thoughts and feelings connected with the relationship. Getting stuck on the "emotional channel" is a common problem. To change how you're feeling, change your channel. Tune into seeing or hearing instead.

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