From Dr. Jane's Notebook

How Do Your Kids Spell Relief?

It has been said that teenagers in contemporary American society are exposed to more powerful stresses than were ever faced by previous generations of adolescents. A profile of teens from communities across America suggest that teens experience (1) considerable emotional stress, (2) lack knowledge about the consequences of risky behavior, (3) lack knowledge of alternatives to risky behaviors, (4) exercise poor judgment, and (5) in the face of stress, lack appropriate coping strategies.

Examples of risky behaviors include binge drinking (defined as drinking until drunk), driving while intoxicated, riding with drivers who are intoxicated, drug use, use of tobacco, having unprotected sex, and not wearing seatbelts. Teens report significant levels of depression, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts, sexual activity, many report being sexually abused, physically abused, and the pregnancy rate in unmarried teenage girls remains high. When compared with the rest of the population, rates of death have decreased among every age group except those in the 10-19 year old age category.

Experts, such as Earl Hipp, describe the stresses our young people face. The teen years are known to be enormous years of growth and change. During these years, teens experience the physical changes of puberty; they learn about love, romance, and sex; they begin to search for meaning in life; and they begin to identify who and what they are.

During the teenage years, bodies change. Teens worry about the physical changes of puberty, height, weight, the onset of menstruation, breast development, body hair, body odor, facial features, acne, unexpected erections, wet dreams, overall attractiveness, sexuality, homosexuality, sexual harassment, sexual abuse, and incest. During these years, teens face various developmental tasks and the pressure is on to be successful. Kids worry about everything from getting up on time, getting to school on time, completing assignments, and passing exams, to even more challenging worries like adjusting to handicaps and chronic illnesses.
During the teenage years, self-concepts change. This is a time when teens must test their limits, take risks, and develop a unique identity. Earl Hipp describes school as the "stage" where many of the teenage social roles are played out. Kids compete socially, academically, in sports, extracurricular activities, and they compete for leadership. Among their worries are having enough money, avoiding conflicts with peers and adults, feeling comfortable in the school environment (where there may be violence and abuse on a daily basis), and getting home safely in an unfriendly or unsafe neighborhood.
During the teenage years, friendships change. According to Hipp, teens begin to sort themselves into different groups based upon interests, abilities, social, and economic factors.

Friendships help the teen to define who they are and where they stand in their community of peers. When they spend a lot of time on the phone, they are developing, maintaining, and testing out their friendships. This is how they establish and maintain their place in the social network, and learn how to relate to their peer group. Later on, these social skills will be essential for survival in the grown up world.

During these years, teenagers must also prepare for their eventual separation from the safety of home and parents. They must separate when they go to school, when they go off to summer camp, and when they go off with other families. Eventually, they know they will have to leave home permanently, support themselves, and become independent. While teens are often good at appearing tough and unconcerned, they worry especially when they must change schools, they worry when their parents fight, drink, or become abusive, they worry about racism and sexism, and they worry about the changes which go on in their families due to birth, death, illness, divorce, remarriage, and unemployment.

Experts agree that adolescence is a hazardous time of life. In response to the stress, some teens do extremely well in spite of difficult circumstances. Some thrive, but for others life is very painful. As we search for the keys to raising our children, three variables consistently make a difference for teens: (1) having a good connection with one’s family, (2) having a predictable structure in their lives, and (3) having adults in their lives who genuinely care for them. If you’ll notice, none of these three things are based on money!

Return to Family Relationships

Return to Table of Contents

Last Updated February 27, 1999 by Gary M. Grandon, Ph.D.